What job will they do next? Crikey’s guide to life after politics for our MPs

Relying on the end result on May well 21, lots of of the key gamers in our overall body politic may possibly be shifting on to new stages of their lives. Crikey satirist Tom Crimson expended the week with transition-whisperers, college careers counsellors and carnival psychics to consider and uncover what the future could keep for our betters.

Scott Morrison

Could be: Jim’s Mowing franchisee
Need to be: The Shock Spruiker
Will be: Whitehaven executive

Anthony Albanese

Could be: Wednesday-night time DJ at the Gasoline Pony bar in Marrickville
Need to be: Stand-in for Reggie the Rabbit, South Sydney’s crew mascot
Will be: John Holland infrastructure lobbyist, focusing on VFT projects

Penny Wong

Could be: Secretary-basic of the United Nations
Need to be: The new host of the ABC’s Challenging Quiz
Will be: A disquietingly forensic addition to the P&C Affiliation at her kids’ faculty

Dave Sharma

Could be: New host of Amazon Prime’s Luxe Listings: Sydney
Should really be: Performing with Oxfam Australia on food items safety applications in Timor-Leste
Will be: A working day trader with a chip on his shoulder

Bridget McKenzie

Could be: An elite member of the SAS
Really should be: A minimum amount-wage cleaner, responsible for the sanitation and servicing of all pre-1990 athletics adjust rooms in non-marginal seats
Will be: Inaugural CEO of the Australian department of the National Rifle Association

Richard Marles

Could be: A difficult problem in upcoming editions of Trivial Pursuit
Really should be: A frequent participant of law enforcement identification parades. Just acquiring Marles there tends to make the other suspects far more unforgettable
Will be: The unflappable Bert to Christopher Pyne’s flamboyant Ernie in the unavoidable reboot of the Pyne & Marles display on Sky.

Michaelia Money

Could be: CEO of Squawky Talky, an on the web provider of specialized niche and novelty voices for Sat Nav devices
Should really be: The host of new SBS cooking display The Entire world of Indian Foods
Will be: Mistaken for Julie Bishop for the relaxation of her days

Invoice Shorten

Could be: Brand name ambassador for “Sideways Sausage Day”
Should be: Australia’s most effective-known ASMR superstar
Will be: CEO of the Zinger Institute — a not-for-income dedicated to shielding promising occupations from the scourge of lame puns, non-sequiturs and negative deliveries

Peter Dutton

Could be: An Easter Island statue
Should really be: Returned to the icy wasteland of Tuber Hoth exactly where his 12 blood-husbands await his triumphant return
Will be: A well-liked attraction in a Beijing petting zoo

Clive Palmer

Could be: A nicely-loved philanthropist
Should really be: A constitutional law firm based mostly in Fremantle
Will be: The patron saint of cash-starved mainstream media organisations and purveyors of Pantone Medium Yellow C